Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
