Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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