eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
