Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
