The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
