Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
