Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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