i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
