It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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