Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
