I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
