All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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