he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
