You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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