between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
