Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
