I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
