Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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