I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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