Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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