Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
