You can't special order awesome
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
