before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
