Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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