I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pants are for mortals
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
