i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
ok first of all what the fuck
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