You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
