Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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