she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
