There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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