dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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