If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
