sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We have started to decorate penises.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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