8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
