That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
