Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
