Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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