he thought i was a dude.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
