We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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