Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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