I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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