so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
