Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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