fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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