i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
