By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
