omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is wine microwaveable?
No subtext here. People are naked.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
