HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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