Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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