Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
