Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
