last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
