I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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