i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
