i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
