Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
