Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
