i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize