fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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