He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
