I wish they made helmets for livers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize