I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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