So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
