I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
