Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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