I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
