just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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