i was born a porn star she said
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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