my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
