they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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