she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
