everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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