He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
