I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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