Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
