As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
