dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
