She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
