just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
