yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
