so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
