i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
