I'd wear matching sweaters with you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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