You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
