thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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