if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
