JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
