I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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