I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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