Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
