Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
