I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
