He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pants are for mortals
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
