So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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