I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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