Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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