can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
