You made me cry and you don't even care
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
