So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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