wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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